Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
