Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
