I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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