Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i now understand why vodka
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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