The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
