Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
