No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
