Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
