A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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