I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
