Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
