doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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