It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
last night I used snow as a chaser
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
