My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
