i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
