remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
look no pants
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
