Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
