So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
