I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
