one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
