oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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