I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
