Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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