butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
