You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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