If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
God, I missed his penis.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
