...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
