She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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