yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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