I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
