I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My vagina is officially offended.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
