sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i love accidental penises.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Bring me that man meat
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
