I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
