capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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