Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize