I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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