Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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