Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
