Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
