You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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