My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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