is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
