Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
