i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
