So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
