I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
