so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
