he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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