apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Less talking, more tequila
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry about my life...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
