Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
