she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
