2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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