I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need water and some morals
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
