Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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