How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Don't make out with my wife yet
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
