dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
