Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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