I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
