is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
