My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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