make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
