im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
