I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
