She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
