Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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