Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
