just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
