I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
