and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
