I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
