I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
