My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
