You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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