I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
