I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
