he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
