I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
