Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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