I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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