Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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