wakey wakey hands off snakey
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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