I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
